One commenter I don’t know and some friends have asked about the wedding. So here is a quick update. B’s father died October 23 after a hard month. We traveled to his home city on Saturday to meet and express our condolences to his family, and then again on Tuesday for the funeral. B’s family appreciated our efforts to show that we cared about B and his family.
The wedding is on, it happens December 6. That’s about 3 weeks from now!!! Yikes. The wedding will be at our church, officiated by one of the ministers who pastored my daughter through her eighth grade confirmation year in which she questioned and rebelled against everything and ultimately decided to refuse confirmation. It will be a religious ceremony, although with a light touch on the religious end. The minister has done weddings and has given them a nice set of ideas and choices to work with. As both of B’s parents are deceased, we cannot have a “parents blessing” part without pain, but are talking about whether we can have some kind of family element. So there will be a wedding, check.
Oh, music. The most obvious person to ask was Daniel, a gifted pianist and long time family friend who was killed in August. Another suggestion surfaced at church, a gay man who used to be music director at a Catholic church until he was fired for being gay. He hasn’t answered yet, we asked again about the contact information and the correct spelling of his name.
Oh, guests! Whoops. B & E just published an invitation to their friends via Facebook. I’ve been scrambling to try to get a list of B’s relatives as well as put together my own list. I’m going to be emailing invitations today to my list, to be followed with phone calls and paper mailings to people old enough to expect them. Have to include an explanation about why this is so late. No time for fancy engraving or double envelopes. I’ve been emailing/calling B’s female relatives to try to get a list of names & contact information for the people on his side and calling my spouse’s female cousin to get a list of names & contact information for his side. (Detect a gender pattern here?) B’s sister is representing his family in executing his father’s desire to make the groom’s family’s contributions to the wedding events, so she and I have been emailing pretty intensely about possible arrangements for alcohol, rehearsal dinner, etc. Although last night, as I was emailing back and forth with her and we were discussing what B would want, I realized B (who had come by and was using my spouse’s computer across the room from me) was also communicating via computer with his sister about the same issues at the same time!
Clothing? It is to be “dressy but fun,” not traditional. E asked her best friend (an experienced costume designer) to make her wedding dress. They were here last night working on this: Friend is panicking as there is no fabric and E’s choices of what kinds of things she likes seem to have no common characteristic except that they are dresses. A trip to the big city to shop seems scheduled. Another friend will be making B’s outfit; I assume she is panicking too.
Reception will be at a game store, “Indian buffet, dancing, games.” My spouse and B are in charge of finalizing the food plans. My spouse is also negotiating with a baker about cake, and he and B will make the cake choices. Flowers? That’s getting worked on, and photography. After sticker shock about the price of a professional (and, yes, I know why a professional is expensive), we are checking with needy friends who have taken photography classes. Oh, and I need to call the church & the game store to make sure I understand how to get arrangements set up. I just got reminded last night about rehearsal and its dinner — we’re working on that. Every woman I talk to asks me about a shower for E: I tell her, “I’m not doing one. I don’t think anyone else is, either.” So, not your traditional organized extravaganza. But it will happen.
I’m getting emails from my grad advisees who need letters from me, and comments on theses. And I’m supposed to be working on a book during my sabbatical. Oh well.
Don’t expect to hear much from me until this is over.